While we all like to think of ourselves as unique, special snowflakes, if we’re honest, we all resemble certain personality archetypes. Our Holiday Crowler Crate is designed to be shared with friends—for instance, at a virtual NYE party—so we put together this beer-personality-pairing guide to make sure that each of your 12 precious Crowlers is heading to a household that will properly appreciate its unique charms.
For the Hasselhoff-Disciple
Arbeiter Brewing’s Nacht Rider Schwarzbier
Longfellow’s newly-opened Arbeiter Brewing calls this German-inspired beer “A shadowy flight into the dangerous world of a beer that does not exist…,” making it the perfect pairing for your friend that’s like, totally obsessed with the ’80s, man. Featuring a radical KITT-inspired label and a velvety flavor that’s as smooth as The Hoff’s flowing locks, Nacht Rider is a dark lager that tastes great and is less filling. Plus, it comes in at a manageable 4.9% ABV, meaning your friend will have plenty of energy left over for pumping iron and keeping that righteous Baywatch-bod in tip-top shape.
For The Coffee Junkie
Bad Habit Brewing’s Polar Espresso Brown Ale
This friend should be easy to spot, because they’ll be the ones dual-drinking a triple-Americano with their beer all evening long on New Year’s Eve. Other telltale signs include twitching eyelids, jittery hands, and, eventually, the ability to move faster than time itself. Your coffee-obsessed pal will absolutely love the Venti-sized espresso flavor present in Bad Habit’s robust Brown Ale, which is brewed with beans from Minnesota’s own Kinder Coffee roasters.
For the Paisley Park Pal
Barrel Theory Beer Company Dress Flannel Sour Ale
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to get through this thing called 2020. Barrel Theory’s ultra-Cream-y passionfruit and blackberry kettle sour is a beautiful shade of Love Symbol #2, making it a perfect beer for the Prince superfan on your list. Bursting with rich fruit flavors, this smoothie-esque sour ale would have been a little strong for the teetotaling Purple One, but its sessionable 4% ABV won’t leave you Delirious, either.
For the Cruise Ship Snowbird
Copper Trail Brewing Co.’s Caribbean Dream Coffee Coconut Golden Stout
Caribbean Dream is an ideal Crowler to give to your friend that always seems to be taking your Zoom calls in the middle of yet another jealousy-inducing tropical vacation. Rather than seething with envy at their glorious tan and lack of sweaters, you can kill them with kindness via Copper Trail’s funky, tiki-inspired beer, which features all the rich flavor you normally associate with stouts in a golden-colored package.
For the Haze Bro
Drastic Measures Brewing Da Da Dabblin’ Hazy IPA
For some people, freshness is a lifestyle. Nobody understands this better than your Haze Bro friend. They’ve saved up PTO for beer release days, they’ve created a new whole Hazy persona for themselves (President Rutherford B. Haze), and they won’t touch any glass of beer that they can see through. Drastic Measures’ Da Da Dabblin’ was brewed specifically for our Crowler Crate to appeal to your Haze Bro friend, and it features all of the bright hop aromas and juicy, soft mouthfeel that make this style such a treat.
For the Lover of All Things British
Little Thistle Brewing Co. Brave Woman Scottish Ale
This friend had to interrupt their latest steamy binge-watch of Outlander to hop on your NYE zoom call. They probably studied abroad in Glasgow, have an annoying habit of referring to their condo as a “Flat,” and know a baffling amount of trivia about the royal family. Give them a taste of “home” with this hearty and drinkable Scottish Ale, which was brewed by an actual Scottish Expat (Little Thistle’s Steve Finnie, of Stonehaven) for added authenticity.
For Your Goth Friend
LTD Brewing Co. Night Terror Double Chocolate Milk Stout
While it might be New Year’s Eve for everybody else, for your Goth friend, every night is Halloween. Give them a beer that they’ll really be able to sink their teeth into with LTD Brewing’s monstrous milk stout. Thicker and more dramatic than a tube of Hot Topic eyeliner, this beer is dripping with rich chocolate flavor and boozy menace at 10% ABV. It’s such a fearsome brew that it just might make your Goth friend smile.
For the Candy Addict
Montgomery Brewing Peanut Buster Porter
The only friend on your Zoom call that might love Halloween more than your Goth friend (but only for the candy), Candy Addict is a true sugar fiend who makes sure dessert is always a priority. For their Peanut Buster Porter, Montgomery Brewing perfectly nailed the two classic tastes that taste great together (Fudge and Peanut Butter, of course) found in Dairy Queen’s signature parfait. Plus, with this peanut buster, you won’t have to worry about a sugar crash or an ice cream headache (just a hangover).
For the Beer Geek Who Craves All the Hops
Portage Brewing Company Welcome Sounds DDH New England IPA
While they’re a spiritual cousin to The Haze Bro, The Hop Head is more likely to have joined the biology club than a Greek house back in college. They honeymooned with their spouse in the Yakima Valley, shower with lupulin oil soap, and they have very strong opinions about hops that you’re not even sure exist yet. You can impress your Hop Head friend by telling them that this beer was made with 5 different kinds of hops: Cashmere Cryo, Citra Cryo, Mosaic Cryo, Vic Secret, and Citra. They’ll totally know what that means and why it’s cool, trust us.
For the Whiskey Connoisseur
Spilled Grain Brewhouse False Hope Wheat Wine
Every craft beer crew has one member who is quick to tell everyone that they’re “really more of a Whiskey person,” and luckily, Spilled Grain Brewhouse put together a big, boozy wheat wine to lure them back to beer. While it might not be quite as exciting for them as a Pappy Van Winkle or a Weller, False Hope’s grain-forward flavor and substantial ABV (10.8%!) should make your Whiskey Connoisseur friend feel right at home.
For The Spring Breaker
Thesis Beer Project Love.Money.Party Coconut & Macadamia Imperial Stout
While they’ve been known to travel to Cancun with the Cruise Ship Snowbird from time to time, The Spring Breaker has a more defined agenda: Partying Hard. Show your Spring Breaker friend that you like to party too by gifting them this super fun beer from Thesis that features Coconut, Macadamia, Cacao Nibs, Vanilla Beans, and is named after a Miley Cyrus song. If they need a little extra encouragement, you can tell them that this beer is 10.5% ABV, and is therefore stronger than the frozen marg they’re currently sipping.
For the Sour Seeker
Venn Brewing Co. Cosmosis: Five Alive Imperial Fruited Sour
After years of seeing this friend power down grapefruit juice and chew on lemon slices, you’re honestly not even sure if they have tastebuds left. Venn’s Imperial Sour comes at you like a Warhead candy with a mouth-puckering flavor inspired by the retro-riffic Minute Maid juice brand Five Alive, so it should have enough tang to impress even the most jaded sour seeker.
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